Years ago, I had the opportunity to write for the paper at my junior high school. I failed. Miserably. I was to interview some coach about their team. Instead fear and shyness took over. I may have asked two or three not well thought out questions and never turned in the article. I chose to write for myself from that day on. I rarely let people see the stuff pouring out of my heart onto paper. The failure and fear stayed with me for years. Hanging on like a wet piece of clothing, I desperately wanted to rip off.
It wasn’t until this week, that I fully understood how God redeemed that moment from junior high for me. A few weeks ago I agreed to interview Rebekah Snyder about her new book “Beyond Waiting”. We had emailed back and forth about the interview and agreed that I would come up with questions she would answer. UH OH! I felt the familiar fear and failure creep back up. I knew I needed to do this. It was that important to me.
The little shy, fearful girl needed to overcome and redeem something that was stolen all those years ago. I pushed the fear aside because of prayer. I prayed for a while about what questions I could ask Rebekah that would reflect her heart on why she wrote “Beyond Waiting“. What came out surprised me. I knew it was the Lord that gave me the questions to ask. I asked my mom if she read the post and her first question was “Did you come up with those questions?” and I replied “Yes, and I am proud to say that I came up with them but it was all God!”. God knew that I needed this moment in my life. To take back a time when fear and failure tried so desperately to destroy…my love of writing and asking thoughtful, get to the heart of the matter questions. I’ve always had a love of writing and it is probably why I read so much. I want to continually learn to be a better writer, expressing my thoughts and sometimes opinions in a way that others can relate to what I am communicating.
Slowly I started letting others read what was pouring onto paper but I was definitely selective and still very insecure about what I was writing. I was looking for a lot of affirmation and encouragement. I received all of that but not until this year did I realize how God has been redeeming that time in my life. I’m thankful for the ones that have encouraged me along the way.
Blogging is such a tricky thing. There are rules to go by and I am sure I have broken every single one of those rules. 🙂 I started writing this blog for the sole purpose to get my thoughts on to “paper”. I shared my blog with a small group of people at first. I really had no idea where this blog would go, I still don’t know where it is going. But I do know the readership has grown and the level of responsibility I feel has grown as well. I do know that the Lord is giving me the words to write on days when I feel there is nothing to say.
So here is to redemption of something that I love and cherish deeply!
Is there a dream you have had crushed only to see the Lord redeem it in a way you never thought would happen?