Sunday morning at 5:30am I was wide awake and not happy about it. But the disappointment and discouragement I was feeling was enough to wake me so very early in the morning.
Later on in the morning I sat in church alone and wrote this:
I woke up this morning with a great sense of discouragement and an overwhelming sense of disappointment. I tried to control the emotions that were bubbling up and over in the form of tears. I truly hate feeling this way. It is tiresome and quite unsettling. I wrestled my thoughts and feelings for what seemed like an hour until I heard a quite whisper reminding me it’s okay. I will be okay…there was a sense of peace and a flood of grace filled my heart. Grace like I had never felt before. God was there, right in the midst of my tears and wrestling.
Five minutes after writing that there was a video that was shown about human trafficking. I lost it. If anyone saw me sitting on the back row, sobbing, you now know why. My discouragement and disappointment felt so tiny compared to what I was seeing on the screen.
It doesn’t matter what the discouragement or disappointment were about, what matters is that God in His sovereignty knew I need to cry and let go of the feelings I had been wrestling with earlier. He just happen to choose a short video on human trafficking to get to me where I wasn’t thinking about myself but I was thinking about others and praying for them. I felt it was fitting that the song the church sang right after the video was “Amazing Grace”.
Amazing Grace indeed. God was there. He always is.